I recently read some scary business statistics that said with every month that you are not in communication, you lose 10% of your influence. It doesn’t take too long to drain your influence to zero. We work hard to plant seeds of opportunity, whether it’s for business development or new job opportunities. Yet our follow-up is where we trip up, and as a result we let the opportunity (and influence) slip away. You’ve heard the expression “Out of sight – out of mind? Perhaps the same is true that when you go out of touch, you go out of influence.

So why is it so difficult for people to integrate networking into the  daily routine? Why is follow-up such a burden and so hard to do as a regular discipline?

Redefining Networking

Many people get the “heebeegeebees” when they hear the word networking. Networking is essentially about building relationships – one person at a time. As social animals, we humans are pre-wired to build and live in relationship. Whether you are an introvert, an extrovert or have an interpersonal propensity, you already know how to network. You’ve been doing it since you were born. It’s called building relationships with other people over time.

Are you a reluctant networker?

Of course, not all of us are highly skilled or motivated to build more relationships through professional networking. Some people are reluctant networkers, preferring to stay home, stay in familiar circles, stay near their office cubicle where it is safe. (i.e., Your Comfort Zone)

Some people take a transactional approach to networking  (e.g., “What can you do for me?“, Will you hire me?“, “Will you buy this?“, “What leads do you have for me?“) and as a result get negative response from other people.

To be successful in networking, you must not only acquire the right skills (i.e., interpersonal and social skills, communication skills, follow-up skills), but you must have the right attitude. When you adopt the motivated networker mindset, you start focusing on building relationships, rather than simply transacting with people or companies.

A cool thing happens when you focus on the long term relationships rather than the short term transactions. You start to genuinely care for other people and put more of your energy into helping them, not just yourself. This is the foundation of long-lasting, mutually-beneficial, professional and personal relationships. This is networking at its best.

Strive to stay visible and valuable to the people in your professional network

One of my personal goals in networking is to strive to be visible and valuable to the people that I care about. I don’t want to be one of those people who call you only when I need you; or the kind of person who disappears for long periods of time. Here’s how I define visible and valuable in the context of networking and relationship building:

• Visible: be “front of mind” with the people that you care about. Communicate regularly, through both active and passive communication channels. Show up. Show your face. Don’t just communicate by email or texting. Let them see the whole human being that you are.
• Valuable:  be a resource, be helpful, know what they need and care about. Help them solve their problems.  Be collaborative, not competitive. Share your ideas, experiences, thoughts, ideas, content and resources that you have discovered and find worthwhile. Introduce people to other people that potentially can help them.

How often should you stay in touch?

The question of frequency comes up often when I speak to groups about professional networking and relationship building. The goal is to stay in touch frequently enough to have influence and visibility. Think of Goldilocks and the 3 Bears:

• “This one is too soft” – i.e., you are out of touch, you don’t reach out, you are neglecting your the people in your network. They start wondering if you are alive or if you simply don’t care enough about them to stay in touch;
• “This one is too hard” – i.e, your actions are too pushy, too much, you appear aggressive or worse yet, desperate or needy because you are constantly calling/emailing;
• “This one is just right” – i.e., you use the appropriate amount of follow-up, demonstrating that you care about the relationship, you are organized and professional and that you have self-confidence in who you are.
• Note: image credited to Tito Verano, http://www.flickr.com/photos/88251752@N00/4085056238/

Here’s are some guidelines for you to consider. In the end, you must decide what is appropriate levels of frequency and what means of communication to use with the people you want to build and maintain a relationship with. (when in doubt, ask them how and how often they prefer you to stay in touch with them).

1. Touching base with your top 50 networking contacts (i.e., the people that are most important to you in your network): touch base every 5 weeks or so. Watch this video for the networking strategy 50-5-10-2
2. Touching base with other people in your active network:  once every 3 months or so;
3. Touching base with current/past clients and prospects – once every 3 months; minimum 4x / year;
4. Touching base with hiring managers who have interviewed you:  follow-up immediately after the interview; touch base every 2 weeks to check on the status of the hiring decision. Demonstrate your value and thought-leadership by sending the hiring manager helpful articles. Show that you are motivated and are already thinking deeply about the company’s challenges. They haven’t yet hired you, and are already adding value to the business;
5. People you don’t care about and don’t want or need in your life now or anytime in the future:  no follow-up required. Neglect away (at your own risk…)

Do you have your follow-up act together?

It’s one thing to understand that you need for follow-up frequently in order to maintain your relationships, it’s another challenge to do it. It seems like time is in a short supply, everyone is super busy, there are many demands on your life. Truth be told, most of us are disorganized and undisciplined.

If you find yourself failing frequently on your follow-up and not able to act on your promptings, I have two suggestions for you:

1. Buy the digital download of my training program Motivated Networking Follow-Up. Learn how you can create a systematic approach to follow-up that is easier, more enjoyable and definitely more effective that what you are doing right now. You can purchase your digital download for $9.99 right now. The ROI on this simple investment is obvious. After all, your fortune is in your follow-up.
2. Do what I did. Get yourself a SendOutCards account. This very cool on-line system gives you a contact management system to organize your contact details AND a way to keep in touch by sending real greeting cards in the (snail) mail. It’s much more personalized way to stay in touch than constant emailing and texting. Studies show that only 3% of what’s in your mail box is personal mail. Sending a greeting card with a personal message through snail mail is a GREAT way to stand out from the crowd. Best of all, the SendOutCards system gives you a real SOI advantage (speed of implementation!). SOI leads to ROI. Open up a free trial account with SendOutCards and send your first card FREE on me.

It’s week #3 of the new decade, so how’s your follow-up been thus far? How’s the guilt list? You know, the incomplete promises of “I’ll get back to you on that” or “Let’s have coffee soon” or the thank you cards that you mean to send, but you never get around to it.

Remember, your fortune is in your follow-up. Your reputation is also in your follow-up.

The reality is that we all need a system to help us execute our follow-up. We need help to make acting on our intentions easy and fun (why shouldn’t it be?) When it comes to networking and building a robust professional network filled with people who know you and care about you and want to help you, YOU must take the initiative to follow-up regularly. If you think about someone today, send them a card. Why not do it now?

My secret weapon for staying in regular touch with the people in my network

Three years ago, I signed up for a on-line system called SendOutCards. I was introduced to it by D’vorah Lansky, a true marketing wizard, who has since become a good friend and business ally. I met D’vorah through Chris Amorosino, the incredibly talented copywriter who issues a terrific enewsletter called The 30-Second Writing Clinic. Ironically, how I discovered SendoutCards is in itself a networking success story. People helping people – that’s what networking is all about.

How do I use SendOutCards to “stay in shape” with my follow-up?

Quite simply, I send a heart-felt card EVERY DAY to someone that I think about. I do this first thing in the morning, before I jump on to email and get consumed. Sending out a heart-felt card daily makes me feel GOOD. Why? There is something magical about spreading APPRECIATION in this world. Practicing appreciation on a daily basis is not only good for business, it’s good for your health and well-being!

Prioritize your professional relationships and commit to staying in regular touch

We all have the best of intentions of staying in touch with the people in our lives, but somehow things get in the way. We get disorganized and “lazy” with our outreach, communication and follow-up. If you believe in the power of relationships and want to remain visible and valuable to the people in your personal and professional network, then I encourage you to find a system that allows you to stay in touch more easily. Your investment in follow-up, is an investment in your relationships, not to mention your results and reputation.

Need some help? Click through to learn about the T.H.E.R.A.P.Y. model for Motivated Networking Follow-up. Be sure to download the free 18-page workbook too!

Get motivated and take action to ensure your follow-up system works for you and the people that you care about!

Executive Presentation Coach & Professional Speaker
Independent Distributor for SendOutCards (#22406)
office (860) 408-0033; cell (860) 371-8801

Whether you are going on an interview, meeting someone for the first time, or welcoming your colleagues to a meeting, your handshake will be among the first things that people judge you by. It will happen instantaneously, as Malcolm Gladwell reminds us in his book “Blink.” Your handshake will either build your credibility and reputation or it will create a moment of doubt and discomfort for other people on the other end of the handshake.

What kind of first impression do you want to make?

Watch the video below to find out more about handshake do’s and don’t’s – how to make a good first and last impression with a professional, confident handshake.

Elements of a professional handshake (USA style)

There are cultural differences in handshakes and other body language actions. Below are the core elements of a professional handshake for conducting business in America:

• Extend the arm, with a slight bend at the elbow. Be close enough to reach the person comfortably, but don’t invade their personal space.
• Look them in the eye, greet them with a smile, say hello and use their name. This will help you remember their name.
• Create the feeling of equality by having both people’s hands be straight up and down. Turning the hands over or under is an unnecessary act of dominance or submission.
• The hands should meet at the “web” of the thumb and the index finger. Go a little further than you think to ensure a complete fit. If you “miss” or stop short and it feels awkward, you can say “Let’s do that again.”
• “Hug” the hand by wrapping your fingers gently around their hand and apply equal pressure. If they have a stronger handshake, then match theirs; if they are more gentle, then apply less pressure. Again, you want to welcome them and create an atmosphere of trust and equality.
• 3-5 pumps of the hand, not too fast. Any more than 5 pumps can make you look creepy, any less than 3 can make you seem scared. Keep the eye contact during the 3-5 pumps.
• When releasing from the handshake, be aware of what you do with  your hands next. Avoid shoving them in your pocket or hiding them behind your back or tying them up by holding stuff (papers, coffee cup, purse). Allow your hands to be relaxed and use them as communication tools to present yourself and your ideas more confidently.
• One last note: if you have the urge to hug someone and are unsure if this is appropriate or not, ask for permission first. For example: “Would you have a handshake or a hug?” Be careful not to get overly friendly unless you really know the person and the setting is conducive to more intimate greetings.

Avoid the 8 world’s worst handshakes

One of my favorite resources on this subject is “The Definitive Book of Body Language” by Allan and Barbara Pease. I talk about it in the video above. The authors address the issues of who should reach first in an handshake? They remind us that a handshake is a sign of trust and welcome. They discuss the issue of dominance and submission in the handshake process. But my very favorite section is when they introduce the 8 world worst handshakes. Below is a brief summary of what NOT to do, according to Allan and Barbara Pease. I wholeheartedly agree with them!

• #1 worst handshake = The Wet Fish
• #2 worst handshake = The Vise
• #3 worst handshake = The Bone Crusher
• #4 worst handshake = The Finger Tip Grab
• #5 worst handshake = The Stiff Arm Thrust
• # 6 worst handshake = The Socket Wrencher
• # 7 worst handshake = The Pump Handle
• # 8 worst handshake = The Dutch Treat (or bunch of carrots)

Let’s take a closer look at the first four world’s worst handshakes:

The Wet Fish

This is when the other person (or you) has a cold, clammy hands. It can happen when you are nervous and are sweating. One in twenty people suffer from a condition call hyperhidrosis, a genetic condition that causes chronic sweating. The cure? Always carry a handkerchief or tissues to dry off your hand before shaking.

The Vise

This quietly persuasive style is popular among men in business and reveals a desire to dominate and assume early control of the relationship or to put people in their place, explains Allan Pease in his book. It is quite painful to receive and completely inappropriate. Don’t do this….ever.

The Bone Crusher

Ouch! This is a favorite among men who misjudge the handshake as an opportunity to express their physical strength and dominance. I have heard many men express strong displeasure about receiving this kind of inappropriate handshake from other men. It is neither welcoming nor professional. Handshakes are not a good time to conduct an arm wrestling match. Save your power play for another time.

The Finger Tip Grab

This sadly unsatisfying handshake is common when men and women greet each other with a handshake. It feels incomplete and tentative. It can result when people have been amounts of personal space and try to keep other people at a safe, comfortable distance. It is sometimes called the princess handshake – a delicate social touch that shows deference, respect and care for “a lady.” In business, it is always best to strive for equality. You wouldn’t give a man a finger trip grab, so why give one to a woman?

Other thoughts on handshakes

Kate Lorenz, CareerBuilder.com editor offers some thought-provoking insights in her article Six Tips for a Perfect Handshake. She says  “In today’s business environment, both women and men shake hands. The idea of a man waiting for a woman to extend her hand first is outdated, say Webb and Winick, and a woman should extend her hand. What about men? “Save the ‘I’m stronger than you’ type of grip for non-business situations with friends or competitors,” says Daniels. “Exerting yourself to give a stronger-than-normal squeeze to another man is not the way to show your dominance, and can set a confrontational tone for the rest of your association.”

Ms. Lorenz goes on to remind us that “Limp, lifeless handshakes tend to communicate timidity, passivity or intimidation. The “limp fish” and “barely touching” handshakes project a sense of distance and a ‘don’t touch me’ attitude, says Daniels. It’s hardly welcoming and no one, including women, is exempt from this rule.”

For more networking tips and techniques to help you in business, check out our free resources page

To learn more about the importance of body language and what you might be signaling with yours, read The Definitive Book of Body Language.

Your thoughts?

Please share your experience and opinions about what makes for a good, professional handshake in business by leaving your comment below…

I am currently attending my 25th college reunion at Stanford University. It is day #3 of a 4-day extravaganza. Stanford really knows how to host a grand event.

I had the opportunity to attend two special events facilitated by classmate Andy Chan. Andy had run career services for Stanford Business School for several years until he was recently whisked away by Wake Forest University to build an exciting new platform of integrating personal and professional development into the college experience.

1. Career and Life Visioning workshop
2. Career Networking event

While attending Andy’s group networking event, I made several terrific new contacts that I am keen to develop into potential relationships. I also gained a few new insights from Andy about networking, what it is and what it isn’t and how to do it even better. I felt compelled to share what I learned from Andy with all of you.

Here are some pearls of wisdom about networking from Andy Chan:

1. networking is about building relationships one person at a time;
2. it’s takes a curious mind – ask a lot of questions about the other person, listen carefully and have a “helping heart.” Look for ways in which you can help each other;
3. gather information while you network with other people;
4. networking is like gardening – it takes time for beautiful things to grow;
5. be strategically thoughtful about introducing yourself and deciding in advance who you want to connect with.

Networking Insights for Job-Seekers

Andy also introduced the EPA method of networking when you are looking for a job.  Rather than the difficult task of calling people to tell them you are out of work and looking for a job, Andy suggested that you ask your networking contacts for:

1. E = Experience. “What your experience, what do you think would be required to do a job like that?”
2. P = Perspective. “From your perspective, what is the most important attributes to bring to the table?”
3. A = Advice. “What advice would you have for me in this situation?”

Andy also suggests that job-seekers ask very straight-forward questions, such as “Be honest with me, do you think I have a shot at this job opportunity?” If they answer no, then ask “What experiences, knowledge or other skills do you think I need to acquire to be a serious candidate for such a position?”

If Andy is correct and networking is like gardening, then why do so many people approach it like shopping for take-out food at the grocery store or drive through fast food. They next time you feel hungry for new connections, remember the gardening metaphor. It’s time to till the soil, plant the seeds and nurture your relationships over time. Then and only then will you reap the true rewards of an influential professional network.

For more tips on networking, please visit our resource page.