I am very happy for these folks and others who have successfully landed new jobs. But I also worry for them. Why? Because there is a high risk that they might go “MIA” from a networking point of view. They will become so consumed in their new work reality that they will abandon their networking friends and activity.

Why is this? Why is it so common that working professionals only tap into their network when they are looking for jobs? Why do you never hear from them again once they’ve landed new jobs? Why do they choose to disappear and abandon the networking relationships that they worked so hard to build?

Short term view of networking. I believe this is because they view networking as an activity, rather than a strategy for life. They “do” networking only because they have an immediate need. In essence, they take a transactional approach to networking (i.e., “can you help me find a job?”). They are thinking immediate need, short term thinking. They do not consider the long term value of networking – that is building and maintaining mutually beneficial relationships before you need them.

We want to hear from you. The people in your network who you have worked so hard to build relationships with care about YOU. They want to continue to hear from you whether you have a job or you don’t have a job. You can continue to grow and maintain your mutually-beneficial relationship over the course of time, no matter what your current circumstance. That’s the best part of networking!

So how do you prevent the travesty of being classified as “missing in action” from your network? The answer is – You stay in touch (even after you’ve landed that new job and are consumed with learning the new ropes)

5 ways to remain relevant to your professional network after you’ve landed a new job

Here are five ways you can continue to network throughout your career and remain relevant, visible and valuable to the people in your professional network.

1. Announce your success and share your new contact details. You have good news to share with the people in your network. You also have many people to thank for helping you achieve this success, whether that was from leads and connections or the support they extended to you during your job search. Plan to send personal thank you cards, mail out your new business card and/or email them with your complete new contact details (including phone, email and mailing address). Update your Linkedin.com profile and leverage Linkedin’s functionality to broadcast your good news message to everyone in your contact list. Make this a priority before or shortly after you start your new job. It’s news that the people in your professional network will want to hear!
2. Make yourself easily “findable.” Whether you are changing companies or moving houses, you need to take take and communicate your new contact details. Otherwise you will become “lost” to people in your network. Don’t make them wonder where you are or work too hard to find out how they can contact you. Include your new contact details with every communication: email signatures, voice mail messages (don’t make they guess whose voice that is or where to call you back), business cards, social media, etc. Be sure to include a current photograph on your Linkedin.com profile so people can easily recognize you. Distribute your new business cards like “candy” – get your new contact details in the hands of everyone who is important to you.
3. Check in your social networking site of choice at least daily. Having a presence on one or more of the major social networking sites (Linkedin.com, Facebook or Twitter) is great but only if you actively use it regularly. You have to balance the need for time management and the value of staying in touch with your network. I recommend that you visit your major social networking site of choice at least once per day and that you provide an update at least once per week. This let’s people in your network know that you are alive and kicking.
4. Stay in regular touch with your 50 most important networking contacts. You may not be able to keep up the same level of networking with everyone you did before, but there some people that you’ll want to stay in more regular touch with. I call this group your Top 50 Contacts.  You will want to maintain a higher level of frequency of communication with them. Watch this video on the Angelo’s 50-5-10-2 strategy:
   
5. Pick up the phone and respond. The telephone remains a powerful networking tool. Unlike texting and emailing, the telephone allows you to bring more of you (i.e., your voice) to life in the communication. Even if you are just leaving voice mails, your networking outreach by telephone can help to maintain that connection and relationship. Remember to keep your messages short and enticing, especially if you want them to call you back. AND, remember to book-end your name and telephone number so it’s easy for them to identify you and to call you back. Here’s an example: “Hi Jan, this is Kathy McAfee (860) 408-0033. I just met with very interesting person who I believe can help you with your upcoming event. Call me back and I’ll tell you more. Again this is Kathy McAfee (860) 408-0033”
   

Summary. There are many more ways  in which you can reach out and stay in touch with the many people who have come into your professional network. The important thing is that you commit to doing it and you do it with consistency. You will need these people at some time in the future, or they might need you. Just because you have the good fortune of landing a new job doesn’t mean you have to walk away from all the equity you have built in people and relationships during your job search. Don’t abandon those who have helped you. Embrace the attitude and behaviors of a Motivated Networker and reap the many rewards of networking over the course of your work life, if not your entire life!

Leave a Comment. I value your opinion and would appreciate hearing what you’re experience has been. Please post your comment below.

In the past, R&R Women’s Alliance has brought in motivational speakers and  hosted golf-for-non-golfer events. This time the event was organized around a Speed Networking exercise. Each guest was given a card identifying four tables that they would visit. Each table had 8 women sitting around it and each woman had 2 minutes to introduce herself to the others. The bell would ring when your 2 minutes was up and the next woman would give her introduction. After all 8 women had made their introductions, the group would split up and rotate to a new assigned table.

The purpose of the speed networking exercise is to make multiple new connections in a short amount of time and to practice and get more comfortable giving your elevator pitch. If you haven’t experience speed networking yet, look for opportunities to do so.

In addition to meeting new motivated women business leaders, I learned a valuable lesson. Be careful not to use too many “I message” when you introduce yourself. You might even count how many times you use it in a 2-minute introduction. For example, how many times do you find yourself starting a sentence with…

• I am…
• I do….
• I choose to only work with…
• I am married to …
• I am certified….
• I am expert in…
• I drive…
• I work for…
• I..
• I…

Too much I!

Now the I-message is a powerful interpersonal communication tool. It allows you to take ownership of your feelings and experience and to express yourself without casting blaming or triggering other people. But when you use too much I-messaging in the context of networking, you project the image of being too self-absorbed and too focused on self. You lose out on the opportunity to recreate relevance and relateability with the people that you are networking with.

I drove home from the event reminding myself to keep my EYES on the road, and to keep my own I-messages in check. After all, the purpose of networking is relationship building, not the glorification of I.

photo credit: Leo Reynolds as featured on www.flickr.com

Some of the mistakes are pretty obvious, some are shocking (would anyone actually think about lighting up a cigarette in an interview???)  Other mistakes were more modern, like forgetting to remove your Bluetooth earpiece. No, this is not an acceptable piece of jewelry nor is it a modern accessory. You look pretty foolish when you wear it on an interview (or in the grocery store). It shouts “Look at me.  I’m important. I’m cool.”

My motivation of re-posting this insightful article is to ask you to read through this  list of the worst of the worst mistakes with an eye towards networking and relationship building. Some of these same mistakes occur when we network with other people.

These unconscious behaviors and negative actions can put a real damper on the conversation and can ruin any first impression that you hope to make. The results: it is unlikely that you will develop a long-term, mutually-beneficial relationship with the person you are networking with. More likely you will create the “yuck” response. That is the opposite of the law of attraction; it is the law of repulsion.

As your networking coach, let me point out a few of the bad habits and mistakes from Ms. Burns’ list that are also relevant to your success in networking and relationship building.

Don’t do these things while networking:

• #1 Arriving late. Strive to be a timely person when networking. This demonstrates your respect for the other person and shows that you are an organized, together person. If you are running late, make sure you communicate your situation. Take the person’s cell phone number with you and let them know if you are stuck in traffic, or are running behind. If you are on the receiving side of the late person, strive to be a forgiving person and don’t make a big deal about it. Hold your original time commitment and end the networking meeting or call as originally scheduled. This will be the natural consequence for the tardy person – less time with wonderful you!
• #7. Forgetting the name of the person that you are networking with. Try to use the person’s name at least three times in your conversation. This will help you remember the person’s name. It also serves to draw the other person in. It’s a basic technique for rapport building. There is no sweeter sound on earth than the sound of your own name.
• # 10  Wearing a Bluetooth earpiece and #49 leaving your cell phone on while networking. I suggest that you remove all gadgets and power down, so that your total attention is on the person you are networking with. This action will prevent you from being distracted and will send a powerful message of “I care about you” to the other person.
• #22 failing to listen carefully to what the other person is saying; #23 Talking more than half the time; #24 Interrupting the other person. All very bad behavior pretty much in any context, networking or otherwise. This very common mistake can be easily corrected. It’s called “stop talking and start listening.” How can you expect to learn something new if you are dominating the conversation? Find the mute button on your personal vocal dashboard and practice your skills of observation.
• #26 Yawning. This signals boredom and disinterest. If you haven’t slept well or missed your caffeine jolt this morning, let the person know your situation, so they don’t misinterpret your action and take it personally. Find ways to energize your body (I like to do a quick set of 10 push ups to get the blood pumping; although this can be a little awkward in a coffee shop)
• #35 Shaking hands too weakly, or too firmly. Handshakes help to set the first and last impression and can either bring you closer or send a quick warning sign. Practice your professional handshake. Make sure you connect “web to web” – no gaps or misses. Read the article Get a Grip on the value of a professional handshake.
• #36 Failing to make eye contact (or making continuous eye contact). Eye contact is part of your non-verbal communication. It sends powerful messages about your personal confidence, your interest in the other person, and also your attention span. Your goal is to put the other person at ease with you. Find the right level and style of eye contact to achieve this outcome.
• #40 Complaining about anything! No one likes to spend time with negative people, so don’t be one. Remember what your mother told you: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” That is not to say we don’t want you to be honest, open, candid and real when you network, just make sure you balance the energy and conversation. Too much negative is just that. Negative.
• #47 Oversharing. Although I am a firm believer that you need to bring your whole human being and your authentic self to networking, you do want to be careful how and when you share what. Don’t create a burden for other people that you don’t know well by dumping your deepest darkest secrets on them in the first meeting. Save this for later. Much later. Or save it for someone more appropriate (i.e., your therapist, your priest, your diary.)
• #50 Failing to ask for help. I do not advocate asking for a job during an initial networking meetings. This can come off as a transaction. However, I do strongly advocate that you know and communicate with people specifically what you are looking for/needing and how they can help you. The more specific you can get about what/who you are looking to meet, the more likely you are to get it. Make it easy for people to help you by being very specific about what you need/want.

What other mistakes have you experienced during networking? (either on the receiving end, or the side of error)  Please share your mistakes, insights and advice here for others to benefit from.

So why is it so difficult for people to integrate networking into the  daily routine? Why is follow-up such a burden and so hard to do as a regular discipline?

Redefining Networking

Many people get the “heebeegeebees” when they hear the word networking. Networking is essentially about building relationships – one person at a time. As social animals, we humans are pre-wired to build and live in relationship. Whether you are an introvert, an extrovert or have an interpersonal propensity, you already know how to network. You’ve been doing it since you were born. It’s called building relationships with other people over time.

Are you a reluctant networker?

Of course, not all of us are highly skilled or motivated to build more relationships through professional networking. Some people are reluctant networkers, preferring to stay home, stay in familiar circles, stay near their office cubicle where it is safe. (i.e., Your Comfort Zone)

Some people take a transactional approach to networking  (e.g., “What can you do for me?“, Will you hire me?“, “Will you buy this?“, “What leads do you have for me?“) and as a result get negative response from other people.

To be successful in networking, you must not only acquire the right skills (i.e., interpersonal and social skills, communication skills, follow-up skills), but you must have the right attitude. When you adopt the motivated networker mindset, you start focusing on building relationships, rather than simply transacting with people or companies.

A cool thing happens when you focus on the long term relationships rather than the short term transactions. You start to genuinely care for other people and put more of your energy into helping them, not just yourself. This is the foundation of long-lasting, mutually-beneficial, professional and personal relationships. This is networking at its best.

Strive to stay visible and valuable to the people in your professional network

One of my personal goals in networking is to strive to be visible and valuable to the people that I care about. I don’t want to be one of those people who call you only when I need you; or the kind of person who disappears for long periods of time. Here’s how I define visible and valuable in the context of networking and relationship building:

• Visible: be “front of mind” with the people that you care about. Communicate regularly, through both active and passive communication channels. Show up. Show your face. Don’t just communicate by email or texting. Let them see the whole human being that you are.
• Valuable:  be a resource, be helpful, know what they need and care about. Help them solve their problems.  Be collaborative, not competitive. Share your ideas, experiences, thoughts, ideas, content and resources that you have discovered and find worthwhile. Introduce people to other people that potentially can help them.

How often should you stay in touch?

The question of frequency comes up often when I speak to groups about professional networking and relationship building. The goal is to stay in touch frequently enough to have influence and visibility. Think of Goldilocks and the 3 Bears:

• “This one is too soft” – i.e., you are out of touch, you don’t reach out, you are neglecting your the people in your network. They start wondering if you are alive or if you simply don’t care enough about them to stay in touch;
• “This one is too hard” – i.e, your actions are too pushy, too much, you appear aggressive or worse yet, desperate or needy because you are constantly calling/emailing;
• “This one is just right” – i.e., you use the appropriate amount of follow-up, demonstrating that you care about the relationship, you are organized and professional and that you have self-confidence in who you are.
• Note: image credited to Tito Verano, http://www.flickr.com/photos/88251752@N00/4085056238/

Here’s are some guidelines for you to consider. In the end, you must decide what is appropriate levels of frequency and what means of communication to use with the people you want to build and maintain a relationship with. (when in doubt, ask them how and how often they prefer you to stay in touch with them).

1. Touching base with your top 50 networking contacts (i.e., the people that are most important to you in your network): touch base every 5 weeks or so. Watch this video for the networking strategy 50-5-10-2
2. Touching base with other people in your active network:  once every 3 months or so;
3. Touching base with current/past clients and prospects – once every 3 months; minimum 4x / year;
4. Touching base with hiring managers who have interviewed you:  follow-up immediately after the interview; touch base every 2 weeks to check on the status of the hiring decision. Demonstrate your value and thought-leadership by sending the hiring manager helpful articles. Show that you are motivated and are already thinking deeply about the company’s challenges. They haven’t yet hired you, and are already adding value to the business;
5. People you don’t care about and don’t want or need in your life now or anytime in the future:  no follow-up required. Neglect away (at your own risk…)

Do you have your follow-up act together?

It’s one thing to understand that you need for follow-up frequently in order to maintain your relationships, it’s another challenge to do it. It seems like time is in a short supply, everyone is super busy, there are many demands on your life. Truth be told, most of us are disorganized and undisciplined.

If you find yourself failing frequently on your follow-up and not able to act on your promptings, I have two suggestions for you:

1. Buy the digital download of my training program Motivated Networking Follow-Up. Learn how you can create a systematic approach to follow-up that is easier, more enjoyable and definitely more effective that what you are doing right now. You can purchase your digital download for $9.99 right now. The ROI on this simple investment is obvious. After all, your fortune is in your follow-up.
2. Do what I did. Get yourself a SendOutCards account. This very cool on-line system gives you a contact management system to organize your contact details AND a way to keep in touch by sending real greeting cards in the (snail) mail. It’s much more personalized way to stay in touch than constant emailing and texting. Studies show that only 3% of what’s in your mail box is personal mail. Sending a greeting card with a personal message through snail mail is a GREAT way to stand out from the crowd. Best of all, the SendOutCards system gives you a real SOI advantage (speed of implementation!). SOI leads to ROI. Open up a free trial account with SendOutCards and send your first card FREE on me.

Remember, your fortune is in your follow-up. Your reputation is also in your follow-up.

The reality is that we all need a system to help us execute our follow-up. We need help to make acting on our intentions easy and fun (why shouldn’t it be?) When it comes to networking and building a robust professional network filled with people who know you and care about you and want to help you, YOU must take the initiative to follow-up regularly. If you think about someone today, send them a card. Why not do it now?

My secret weapon for staying in regular touch with the people in my network

Three years ago, I signed up for a on-line system called SendOutCards. I was introduced to it by D’vorah Lansky, a true marketing wizard, who has since become a good friend and business ally. I met D’vorah through Chris Amorosino, the incredibly talented copywriter who issues a terrific enewsletter called The 30-Second Writing Clinic. Ironically, how I discovered SendoutCards is in itself a networking success story. People helping people – that’s what networking is all about.

How do I use SendOutCards to “stay in shape” with my follow-up?

Quite simply, I send a heart-felt card EVERY DAY to someone that I think about. I do this first thing in the morning, before I jump on to email and get consumed. Sending out a heart-felt card daily makes me feel GOOD. Why? There is something magical about spreading APPRECIATION in this world. Practicing appreciation on a daily basis is not only good for business, it’s good for your health and well-being!

Prioritize your professional relationships and commit to staying in regular touch

We all have the best of intentions of staying in touch with the people in our lives, but somehow things get in the way. We get disorganized and “lazy” with our outreach, communication and follow-up. If you believe in the power of relationships and want to remain visible and valuable to the people in your personal and professional network, then I encourage you to find a system that allows you to stay in touch more easily. Your investment in follow-up, is an investment in your relationships, not to mention your results and reputation.

Need some help? Click through to learn about the T.H.E.R.A.P.Y. model for Motivated Networking Follow-up. Be sure to download the free 18-page workbook too!

Get motivated and take action to ensure your follow-up system works for you and the people that you care about!

Executive Presentation Coach & Professional Speaker
Independent Distributor for SendOutCards (#22406)
office (860) 408-0033; cell (860) 371-8801

What kind of first impression do you want to make?

Watch the video below to find out more about handshake do’s and don’t’s – how to make a good first and last impression with a professional, confident handshake.

Elements of a professional handshake (USA style)

There are cultural differences in handshakes and other body language actions. Below are the core elements of a professional handshake for conducting business in America:

• Extend the arm, with a slight bend at the elbow. Be close enough to reach the person comfortably, but don’t invade their personal space.
• Look them in the eye, greet them with a smile, say hello and use their name. This will help you remember their name.
• Create the feeling of equality by having both people’s hands be straight up and down. Turning the hands over or under is an unnecessary act of dominance or submission.
• The hands should meet at the “web” of the thumb and the index finger. Go a little further than you think to ensure a complete fit. If you “miss” or stop short and it feels awkward, you can say “Let’s do that again.”
• “Hug” the hand by wrapping your fingers gently around their hand and apply equal pressure. If they have a stronger handshake, then match theirs; if they are more gentle, then apply less pressure. Again, you want to welcome them and create an atmosphere of trust and equality.
• 3-5 pumps of the hand, not too fast. Any more than 5 pumps can make you look creepy, any less than 3 can make you seem scared. Keep the eye contact during the 3-5 pumps.
• When releasing from the handshake, be aware of what you do with  your hands next. Avoid shoving them in your pocket or hiding them behind your back or tying them up by holding stuff (papers, coffee cup, purse). Allow your hands to be relaxed and use them as communication tools to present yourself and your ideas more confidently.
• One last note: if you have the urge to hug someone and are unsure if this is appropriate or not, ask for permission first. For example: “Would you have a handshake or a hug?” Be careful not to get overly friendly unless you really know the person and the setting is conducive to more intimate greetings.

Avoid the 8 world’s worst handshakes

One of my favorite resources on this subject is “The Definitive Book of Body Language” by Allan and Barbara Pease. I talk about it in the video above. The authors address the issues of who should reach first in an handshake? They remind us that a handshake is a sign of trust and welcome. They discuss the issue of dominance and submission in the handshake process. But my very favorite section is when they introduce the 8 world worst handshakes. Below is a brief summary of what NOT to do, according to Allan and Barbara Pease. I wholeheartedly agree with them!

• #1 worst handshake = The Wet Fish
• #2 worst handshake = The Vise
• #3 worst handshake = The Bone Crusher
• #4 worst handshake = The Finger Tip Grab
• #5 worst handshake = The Stiff Arm Thrust
• # 6 worst handshake = The Socket Wrencher
• # 7 worst handshake = The Pump Handle
• # 8 worst handshake = The Dutch Treat (or bunch of carrots)

Let’s take a closer look at the first four world’s worst handshakes:

The Wet Fish

This is when the other person (or you) has a cold, clammy hands. It can happen when you are nervous and are sweating. One in twenty people suffer from a condition call hyperhidrosis, a genetic condition that causes chronic sweating. The cure? Always carry a handkerchief or tissues to dry off your hand before shaking.

The Vise

This quietly persuasive style is popular among men in business and reveals a desire to dominate and assume early control of the relationship or to put people in their place, explains Allan Pease in his book. It is quite painful to receive and completely inappropriate. Don’t do this….ever.

The Bone Crusher

Ouch! This is a favorite among men who misjudge the handshake as an opportunity to express their physical strength and dominance. I have heard many men express strong displeasure about receiving this kind of inappropriate handshake from other men. It is neither welcoming nor professional. Handshakes are not a good time to conduct an arm wrestling match. Save your power play for another time.

The Finger Tip Grab

This sadly unsatisfying handshake is common when men and women greet each other with a handshake. It feels incomplete and tentative. It can result when people have been amounts of personal space and try to keep other people at a safe, comfortable distance. It is sometimes called the princess handshake – a delicate social touch that shows deference, respect and care for “a lady.” In business, it is always best to strive for equality. You wouldn’t give a man a finger trip grab, so why give one to a woman?

Other thoughts on handshakes

Kate Lorenz, CareerBuilder.com editor offers some thought-provoking insights in her article Six Tips for a Perfect Handshake. She says  “In today’s business environment, both women and men shake hands. The idea of a man waiting for a woman to extend her hand first is outdated, say Webb and Winick, and a woman should extend her hand. What about men? “Save the ‘I’m stronger than you’ type of grip for non-business situations with friends or competitors,” says Daniels. “Exerting yourself to give a stronger-than-normal squeeze to another man is not the way to show your dominance, and can set a confrontational tone for the rest of your association.”

Ms. Lorenz goes on to remind us that “Limp, lifeless handshakes tend to communicate timidity, passivity or intimidation. The “limp fish” and “barely touching” handshakes project a sense of distance and a ‘don’t touch me’ attitude, says Daniels. It’s hardly welcoming and no one, including women, is exempt from this rule.”

For more networking tips and techniques to help you in business, check out our free resources page

To learn more about the importance of body language and what you might be signaling with yours, read The Definitive Book of Body Language.

Your thoughts?

Please share your experience and opinions about what makes for a good, professional handshake in business by leaving your comment below…